2024–5
An Inventory, Dissection, and Roast of the Closet of a 37-year old Mom
A senseless, highly detailed and still somewhat inaccurate archive of all the clothes in my closet takes a nostalgic path down memory lane, rediscovers past favorites, obliterates my self confidence, trudges up shameful body-image issues, and scolds for doing so. Not only does it tell an ugly story of overconsumption and hyperbolic self-criticism, it also highlights a mom holding on to past lives for too long, and finally trying to let go.
EXHIBITION PHOTOS
ABOUT THE PROJECT
When I started to look through the seemingly never-ending depths of my closet, I felt certain that the study was ultra personal. With each piece I pulled from the hangers, I was transported to the last time I remember wearing it or the best time I wore it. My process for documentation was first sorting into piles by “eras/time-periods” and then arranging each piece on a flatbed scanner watching as the light illuminated the different fabrics and textures and brought them to my screen. Given the amount of clothes in there, it was incredible that I could attach a memory to every single one of them, even the most boring and basic of t-shirts.
In “Wishful Thinking”, I’m reminded of the thrilling experience of living in New York as an undergraduate student, feeling stylish but not stylish enough, wearing clothing sizes that feel beyond the realm of possibility now, and wondering in hindsight how I could have ever felt bad about my body. Even as I wrote these very true things, I felt sick for feeling that way. It felt cathartic to box away some, and truly sad to say goodbye to others.
The “Dark Age” reflects on a time in my life when I was deeply depressed, isolated from my New York friends, going through a break up and living in Kuwait, a country that was totally unfamiliar to me and the polar opposite of New York City. I was too tired, depressed and lonely to try back then, and on examination, I was shocked that I still kept so many things from that time.
“Peaked in Grad School” was the exhilaration of returning to freedom, going on dates, going to parties, finding my home and meeting my husband. It’s also riddled with items that I held on to for too long — dresses I kept, hoping I would one day fit in them again, and littered with things I bought without thinking.
The last piece shows the state of my current wardrobe, and wonders how and why I lost sight of trying to look nice. How when I became a mother, I began to feel invisible, and so perhaps unconsciously dressed to achieve that.
Ultimately the reason why I love to document the mundane, and the reason I don’t obscure truths when I write is because the feelings can be universal. So many of us hold on to things too long — set goal dresses or are wishful that we might return to past selves. This work tells the story of overconsumption — no doubt, hyperbolic self criticism — yes, but it also highlights a mom — me— holding on to past lives for too long but finally trying to let go.